“Do it, just do it now, it’s fine I can get another one printed by the end of the weekend!”
“But it’s the hand you write with!”
“Yea and I upgraded to the premium render, it replicates the nerves to a 99.9% accuracy.”
“But what about the 0.01%? What if that’s your dexterity to play the violin?”
“It’s just a saying, they have to say it. Remember when hand sanitiser would kill 99.9% of bacteria?”
“And then the 0.01% became immune to everything?”
“Do you really think 9/10 dentists recommend the same toothpaste?”
“They are roundabout stats, as long as it’s in the 90’s I’m cool with it.”
“Well you are in the 90’s Greg, you’re 96.”
“Yea and I’ve never lost a limb, so now’s the time.”
Helen sighed, picked up the knife and with her entire weight of her body came belting down and made clean contact with Greg’s left wrist, severing his hand clean off.
Greg fainted. It was a pre programmed faint as he had preset his neural chip to do so at the feeling of an impact.
Helen grabbed a cloth, placed it over his open wrist, which wasn’t expelling much blood (he must’ve set his body to coagulate blood at at least 10x the speed, ideal for this experiment, dangerous for daily life).
After 5 minutes, Greg woke up and the pain had set in.
“Do you want to take the pain ease meds?”
“No!
I want to feel the pain… Well most of it.”
“So now what?” Helen asked.
“Well I preordered my hand yesterday so it should be ready by end of tomorrow.”
“So again, why did you want me to chop it off today again?”
“To get out of the dishes.
And because I want to record my dreams tonight. See if any trauma comes from this.”
“What is trauma anyway when we can delete our memories?”
“Just because we can’t remember them, doesn’t mean we aren’t affected by them.”
Helen and Greg watched his wrist swell up to twice its normal size. His skin attempted a quick restitch multiple times but failed as the wound was too far to bridge. And of course a hand was missing.
“Remember how it used to be ice baths?”
“I remember when it used to be walking on gravel in bare feet, or just holding your breath under water.”
“Helen, this is totally safe to do these days. I watched the videos, I know of at least 5 people that have done it. A few even said they had a life changing experience afterwards.”
“What about people who actually need their limbs regrown this weekend? You know Saturdays and Sundays are the busiest days for the L.A.C. (Lamb Printing Clinic).
“I looked, there’s no parties on this weekend, they’ve not been at capacity for weeks. And I paid out of my own pocket plus gave a voluntary donation to the research centre for Parkinson’s reversal.”
“Hardly voluntary when it gets you to the top of the list.”
“Helen, I’m 96.”
“And you’re living like you’re 30.”
“As most people do.”
“Those that can.”
'“And those that want to.”
“Do you have any phantom limb pain?”
“Nothing, that comes later apparently.”
“Where’s my hand?”
“Same place as your fourth eye.”
“On the bench?”
Greg stood up, walked over and inspected his left hand. It was exactly as one would expect a severed hand to look like. Except it had begun ageing, rapidly. Within a few minutes, the hand had transformed from the 30 year old complexion of the rest of Gregs body to a more realistic 96 year old hand with wrinkles, spots and even scars from previous experiments.
“Do they still do reattachments down in the city? Helen asked.”
“Yea, just like they used to do open heart surgery 60 years ago. How barbaric, opening someone up like that.”
“I don’t want it reattached, I ordered a new one, it will last me another 50 years without needing to constantly repair this one.”
“Will your new one come with a Nike tick too?”
“No but who knows, the 0.01% proprioception I might lose might mean I no longer have the ability to colour outside the lines.”
“It’s inside the lines.”
“Either way, it’s art.”
Greg blinked his right eye to check his appointment time for tomorrow. 30 minutes for a full regrowth and full function would return within 3 days. Physio is recommended but not necessary. He had the option to download the program but opted to check in on his red blood cell count instead.
Human Love,